Cheltenham Lit Fest: The lessons we should be teaching young men about sex
- Isaac Lewis
- Oct 13, 2022
- 4 min read
Tomorrow sex will be good again: Love Dating in the 21st Century.
Olivia Petter was joined by Sophia Smith Galer, Oloni and Katherine Angel to have a real conversation about sex in the modern day. Each woman appearing at the Cheltenham Literature Festival has written a book centred around sex from a female perspective in the modern day. The conversation went into depth into the very real expectations of women currently and the reality of consent.
The majority of the audience consisted of women which created a very safe and understanding environment. The experts at the front of the room were able to give insightful messages on the reality of the world and advice surrounding the unfortunate situation sex culture is currently in. The lack of men in the audience spoke volumes over the actual involvement men have in sexually educating themselves. The women in the room could massively relate to the conversation taking place however the men could learn. Reinforcing the ideas of consent is an essential part of sex education that is somewhat lacking.
Sophia Smith Galer who specialises in sex education brought the audiences attention to the practicality of the subject. With sex education only becoming compulsory in UK curriculum in 2017 as a result of an introduction of legislation, schools are struggling to keep up with the public awareness of sex and the desperate need for a better understanding. This legislation introduced a new form of sex education to schools across the UK, however Sophia pointed out that the word ‘pleasure’ is not used across the entirety of the curriculum. This has the potential of having devastating consequences to young people’s sexual awareness because as Sophia stated, “when you talk about pleasure, it will make the health intervention more likely to bring about positive sexual health outcomes”.
This conversation strongly points towards the idea that sex education in the UK is incredibly insufficient. Sophia made a very relevant point that “sex education focuses on risk mitigation” and with the lack of knowledge being shared surrounding the reality of what sex is for all genders, unfair narratives are capable of continuing and causing more harm.
The panel discussed the very serious threat that is slut shaming. Olivia Petter put emphasis on how shows such as Love Island present women who are very open about sex. It is met with other contestants and audience members shaming these women for behaviour that is not harmful. The social expectation for men to sleep with multiple women but a twisted judgement of women’s sex lives is constantly pushed.
Katherine Angel, who is an academic and specialises in sexuality, outlined the awful position women are put in by society, “for women it is difficult to be honest about their sexual desires because it comes at a cost”. She also pointed out how a sub-culture of sex that takes place amongst men that have the planned intention of manipulating women to engage in sex with them. Some men who are titled as ‘pick up artists’ teach other men tricks to achieve their objectives. This focuses on the idea that these men “understand the awful position women are in and use it to extract sex”. Focusing on the idea that women are often less open about sex because of the constant judgement they receive and then formulating particular behaviour to take advantage of this.
These lessons being taught during this talk are so valuable to men who may have never had these types of conversations because of the problem in the first place; that there isn’t enough education. Sophia was able to sum up the way forward by saying that referring to sex with, “more empathy and more ethics makes it better for everyone involved”. This ideology which should be a constant amongst people in the UK must be understood by men to protect women.
Men also face issues, and the lack of education means there is very little awareness of these problems, often furthering the issues that they experience. An understanding of this from both sides will help us move forward together. Katherine said that “men are their most violent when they feel humiliated” and that they feel an obligation to perform, therefore an empathetic approach to the sexual insecurities men experience is vital. Erectile dysfunction effects over 50% of men over their lifetime however the pressure for men to keep things to themselves means “men are reluctant to speak to a GP or their partner”. More transparency can help men feel more comfortable and allow for sex to be exactly what it is, a fun experience for two individuals rather than all of these uncomfortable pressures and insecurities caused by the lack of education and communication.
Men need to hear what these women had to say about the reality of sex and the culture surrounding it in the UK at the moment. Both men and women have a lot to learn but it is the men that seriously need to listen. It is okay to feel like this.
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